Taking the Dog Tags off
This whole reintegration thing is tough. I know it will take months, perhaps years to become whole again or to just act like a normal civilian, but while I love every minute of being on American soil, I can’t help but realize just how strange things are.
In my mind, I’m still in Iraq, looking for the cowards behind the black masks… I feel like I’m in a dream where I tell myself everything is fine and nobody here wants to kill me, but I can’t stop myself as if I am simply programmed to be suspicious and alert. My eyes automatically look at everybody as if they’re touting an AK-47. I scan for cover at every turn and am nervous when I see objects on the roadsides.
Today, I’m walking through the mall, shopping for normal clothes and people either had bags or cell phones. I glanced in a 12-year-old’s bag, inspecting for explosives. The kid didn’t see me, but I was ashamed of the act. I saw the mall Rent-A-Cops wearing those “wannabe” Drill Sergeant hats. These guys, who wear badges and a piece, were just sitting around and talking to people. Somebody could easily plant a bomb right under their noses… they’re so damn unprepared and undisciplined, I thought to myself. Plus, they were fatter than the Pillsbury Doboy after a hot dog eating contest. I wanted to tell them that they were a disgrace, but I can’t… I’m not an NCO in jeans and they’re not my troops. They’re Mall Cops and sadly, they out rank me in the civilian world.
It’s also weird to see people relaxed. And I can’t get over the way folks seem to care more about their personal lives and social calendars than the soldiers standing in a guard tower. People are so apathetic. But I guess, there’s not really anything you can do other than placing a yellow bumper sticker on your car or forwarding on an email from a soldier. I guess that’s where I come in. As much as I hate being asked stupid questions, I feel obligated to continue telling the soldiers story. For those of you in the Milwaukee area, I have an interview with 620 a.m. Friday at 5 p.m. And I plan to tour schools, telling kids what it means to be an American. But I’ve already had some schools tell me that Iraq is “too controversial.” The stories of brave Americans and Iraqis working side by side to dispel evil must be told. The smiles of kids must be shared. The fact there is hope in such a downtrodden country is because of the American soldier and I must tell this story to as many people as possible.
Of course when I tell these stories, I need to leave the military dark humor at home. I’m watching “Assault on Precinct 13” and these two guys start stabbing this “bad” cop and I just burst out laughing while everybody else in the theater is covering their eyes. The reason why it was funny is the cop was wearing Kevlar body armor, which protects his torso and chest from sharp objects. In real life, there’s no way the blade would have penetrated that body armor. Hey, it was funny.
But I am showing signs of being normal again. My hair is growing out. I’m already hooked on a show called “Smallville.” I have dates lined up. And for the first time in a year, I took my Dog Tags off. Those things have been dangling by my heart for so long that I feel naked right now without them.
posted by Sminklemeyer @ 8:33 AM
53 Comments:
Trust that you are not the only one wondering why people are not more concerned about what is going on in Iraq. I am not a member of the military but my job has made me acutely aware that no one is paying attention. And too many are willing to let others make incredible sacrifices without even willing to sacrifice a bit of time to learn and understand what is being done (both good and bad) in the name of all Americans in Iraq.
Smink, excellent idea about the school tours. It'll be interesting to see how many will welcome you as opposed to how many find Iraq "too controversial." I have a suggestion, you might try talking to someone senior at Th Boy Scout's of America about speaking tours. It would I think be well recieved. You may not be aware, but while you were in Iraq the ACLU was trying to cause major problems for the Scouts.
Anyway Smink, do what you need to to re-adjust to civvie street. Oh and dontcha think it's time to correct your location on yer blog? :)
Thanks for sharing your readjustment process with us. After my dad returned from Iraq last year, he would sometimes tell us what it was like readjusting, but mostly he didn't say much. He had trouble in crowded places like Walmart and the mall. It was hard for him to drive down the road without having his gun sticking out the window and constantly scanning the horizon and roadside (he was a sergeant in a tranpsoratation company). Six months later, and he still wears his dog tags. He'll be out of the guard for good next month and finally retired from military life. He told me that he just bought a gun for his birthday, for "protection". I didn't say anything but he lives in a safe city and already owns several guns (he's in law enforcement).
I am sorry that it appears that many Americans do not care about what you soldiers have done over there for us. Sometimes I'm surprised myself at the lack of interest, I was looking for news on the marines that died in the helicopter crash, and it was hard to find anything. Like the death of 31 people was meaningless to the MSM after the day it happened. I think your idea to try to talk to kids at schools is a very good one, keep trying and don't worry about the rejection you receive.
I can't even begin to imagine how returning to "normal" American life has been for you. But I'm so glad you are still sharing. Do you have any plans for another job in the near future? You would make a great writer that's for sure.
First off, THANK YOU for serving our Country. I've been reading your work for several months and am one of those people always forwarding these stories. Im sure most people in my address book are probably sick of me. I have even gone as far as sending this http://www.pbase.com/kburch/dear_america letter to every single show on every single network. I get my news from the Bloggosphere. I get in too many heated debates only to walk away saying people are just brainwashed by the MSM. My boss's first words to me this morning were 'Did you hear Kennedy saying we need to get out of IRAQ' - my response was F Kennedy and walked away. People only see the bad - this is why I created this http://www.pbase.com/kburch/the_picture_from_iraq_you_wont_see_in_the_news in November (200,000 page views since then) to show people what HOPE looks like.
Dont EVER feel ashamed of systematicaly doing things that have kept you and your brothers in arms alive. It's that keen eye that may stop an abduction or robbery by the thugs that live amongst us here.
Thanks again for serving - forever GRATEFULL
Karl Burch
Smink,
Keep on talking and people will listen. This blog is a great opportunity for that. You're linked to from some of the Iraqi blogs which are very popular and read by some very important people as well as loads of ordinary people. I'm sure you have a lot of anecdotes and tidbits of information stored up that haven't yet appeared on your blog. Do tell. We're all listening.
And welcome back.
Lisa
Smink, I'm so sorry about the shallow, apathetic people you have run into, but that is not everyone. I think about you guys everyday and pray for your safety. It is because of the American Soldier that the "Blue State" Limousine Liberals have the freedom to express their nasty opinions about the military and Iraqi War. Ignore them. Thank you for getting the truth out. I am sorry about the adjustment back to civilian life. That is why I can't resist shaking a soldier's hand and saying thank-you. It is difficult to do what you have done for us. What can I say to someone who just put their life on the line for me and endured the hardships you have this past year? Thank you.
Welcome back to Mil-town Smink!
We sure have missed you! My mom, told me you stopped into work this week...she was so happy to see you! I've been reading your posts daily now, I believe I've read them all. I show my mom some of them, it's truely touching. She got teary-eyed talking about how you came and hugged her and how great it was to see you.
Before I started receiving your emails, before you were sent to Iraq, I was in the dark about everything dealing with the War On Terrorism. Reading your emails and your blog has made me so informed. I wish I was old enough to vote, but I'm voicing my opinion loud and clear now. Without having you as my "inside" into the war, I'd have completely different views on all of it. I used to think that once we got Saddam out we should've gotten the hell out of there. But reading all of the great things you and your fellow service men and women are doing, I can't help but think that it's amazing what you are doing over there.
I know earlier, before the holiday season, you and I talked about having the chance for you to come and talk to my school, and like what you said in your blog today, there have been some concerns brought up by some of the teachers at my school. Some of them worry what might happen if a soldier or any service man or woman came to talk to the school. I've talked to some of the teachers and they feel it would be a great idea for you to come, but due to the concerns of other teachers we can't have an assembly for you to talk at.
But one thing I've learned best in high school is that there is always a way to beat the system!
Last year I had a history teacher that served in Vietnam, I still talk with him regularly till this day. He is very passionate about keeping the youth of today informed on war and the dealings and effects of it. I have talked to him about having you come and speak and he would be privileged to have a man like yourself come and talk to his class. You and I can discuss this more if you would so wish to do something like that.
All of us Sminkie Lovers will have to adjust to the blogs from America instead of the blogs from Iraq. But don't get me wrong, we're more than thankful to have you back safe and sound here in the States. My prayers and thoughts have been with you the entire way and they remain with the service men and women still over there or just arriving for the first time.
I can't imagine the things you went through or the things you saw.
I can't imagine what it would be like to lose fellow "brothers" and "sisters" but I can tell you that what you all have done will never be forgotten.
The things you've done and said will live on, and their memories will be forever loved.
In any war there is a price, in any soldier there is the hero inside, in any moment that hero can shine through.
A Grateful Teen From a Small Wisconsin Town,
-Nicole (BR co-worker's daughter)
"People are so apathetic. But I guess, there’s not really anything you can do other than placing a yellow bumper sticker on your car or forwarding on an email from a soldier."
We're not all like that. Check out http://www.booksforsoldiers.com. It is just one of many great support sites where it is so different that what you're seeing. There is so much more we can do, and we are trying to make that difference, one soldier at a time.
Smink,
Welcome home, and please keep blogging. The stories need to be told.
-Helix
The following is an interesting editorial from the Charleston Daily Mail.
Iraq's election on Sunday will succeedMan's yearning to breathe free truly is universal
Thursday January 27, 2005
In three days, Iraqis will vote in their first free election since 1958. It will be a huge success.
The press will record it as a failure.
Millions of Iraqis will brave gunfire, car bombings and kidnappings. Beheadings only remind Iraqis of what life was like just two years ago under Saddam Hussein. They will not go back.
The world may ignore the 300,000 bodies found in mass graves, but Iraqis cannot, for those bodies are their relatives.
Iraqis will vote with a vengeance. Each vote will rebuke the secular inhumanism of the Hussein regime.
Not every Iraqi is happy. Hussein's henchmen were many. It takes a large staff to carry out all that torture. Hussein's people want to go back to the days when they ran Iraq.
Those are the people the press will interview.
Press reports do not matter. Three weeks after allied forces began attacking the Taliban government, R.W. Apple of the New York Times filed a report under the headline, "A Military Quagmire Remembered: Afghanistan as Vietnam."
Apple's report did not stop Afghanistan from holding its first election a mere three years later.
The people of Afghanistan yearned to be free. The yearning to be free is universal and eternal. Dylan Thomas wrote of "the force that through the green fuse drives the flower."
This is the force that put schoolchildren in front of the firehoses in Birmingham, that put Ukrainians in the snowy streets of Kiev, that put one brave man in front of the tanks in Tiananmen Square.
Americans protest everything and nothing. Those of us privileged enough to be born into the wealth of freedom tend to take our rights for granted.
An atheist sues to stop a prayer at the inauguration in the name of religious freedom. Officeholders sue when voters deny them what they perceive as their right to re-election. The hysteria continues over whether the FBI will know whose books are overdue at the library.
The trivialization of rights explains why the liberal cause attracts so many trust fund babies, celebrities and billionaires.
True, a few Americans acted as human shields against American bombs. But the left has nothing to say about terrorist bombers.
As Jonathan Gurwitz of the San Antonio Express-News asked this week: "Will human shields guard Iraqi voters?"
Save the whales, but not the Iraqis.
Small wonder the Third World hates us. We are spoiled brats.
In Iraq, vote or die is not just some MTV promotion. Iraqis learned the lessons of Vietnam. They remember the fall of Saigon, the Khmer Rouge and the 2 million people killed by Pol Pot after the "peace movement" forced the United States out of Vietnam.
They know their window of opportunity lasts only as long as the American attention span.
And so they will brave the bombs and vote before we get bored. Sunday is their last best hope.
The world press may report it as a failure. Bob Byrd may blow some flaw out of proportion. And the United Nations may never accept the results.
But that will not change the simple truth that the same force that drove the heroes of Birmingham, Kiev and Beijing will drive the voters to the polls in Baghdad.
Don Surber can be reached at donsurber@dailymail.com.
Smink, It pinches my heart that my recently deployed son will need to re-adjust in the future and that this once trusting, fun-loving "kid" might not be that way again... at least for a long time. I have no hope that he will ever get to answer "no" when someone asks if he fired his weapon given his MOS.
But I think you underestimate how many Americans care not only about our soldiers, but the level of their awareness of the situation in Iraq. When a tipsy cowboy can give you a dissertation on the value of the bifurcated elections in Iraq... the American citizenry is just not letting on!
Oh my gosh Smink, I would like for you to copy and paste and print that little Nicole's post! You need to have that tatooed on your back or something. That girl has just expressed a big mouth full of GREAT!! You hang onto that and your going to be just fine. Does the Pilsbury dough boy eat hot dog's? Time and our prayers!
Adjustment is tough. I have been through it once and will be going through it agian in another 9 months or so.
the worst thing that happened to me was when I woke up in the middle of the night and I realized that I didn't know where my weapon was. my mind would be running laps at Indy before I would finally figure out that I don't have my weapon anymore. by then I would be so wound up that it would take me an hour to get back to sleep.
Excellent thoughts on re-adjusting. I did 9 months in Afghanistan and had similar problems. It takes a couple months. In my case I've had practice from the first gulf war and Somalia. You need to talk to schools. People need to know the good we are doing in this war. We can't loose the will to win, or everyone will have died for nothing. I have a book coming out soon in my attempt to get the word out. you can see details at vom.militarymemories.biz if interested. Just do what you can and good luck.
Eddie
Don't be hard on yourself,Smink, re adjustment always takes time. There is a new normal for you now..and you have to come to terms with what that new normal is. And I know you will. Be gentle with yourself and be patient.
You now have a different sense of the world and whats important because of your personal experience in Iraq as a soldier. Be patient and gentle towards those that do not see their world through your eyes.
Your desire to share your experiences and world view with kids in school is honorable, and it will prove to be a cathartic experience for you, and a very enlightening one for them. You are articulate and there is a gentleness that comes through in your writing, and that you will bring to each speaking engagement.
Today is an HISTORIC day in Iraq. The power of the ballot has overcome the power of the gun! YOU contributed to this moment in history! Never forget that!
As for "Smallville" - well let me share a secret with you in this very public place. I know many of the people involved with this show personally, I worked with some of them during my years in Hollywood. I love this show...but Im a bit prejudice, altho truth be told, lots of my friends are involved in shows or films I don't like...and they are well aware of my feelings!
So when a show manages to steal my heart...its special!
Smallville has stolen my heart...and not a day goes by where I do not receive an email from someone deployed in Iraq or Afghanistan who tell me that the show the love is Smallville!
If youre new to Smallville, I hope you'll have a chance to watch the first three seasons..which are now airing on ABC Family Channel, or available on DVD.
I always email the producers and let them know everytime a deployed soldier or marine expresses their love for the show; it moves them deeply.
I intend to do that now; may have removed your dogtags, but your will always be soldier at heart.
Hey sergeant (E-6 type),
You know you got a bunch of folks at Columbia University in NYC waiting for your testimonial. And remember, while our issue is ROTC reintegration into Columbia, which primarily means officers, when I say "modern American military leader" as a former SPC who did time as an acting NCO (2-up, 1-down, right?), I don't necessarily mean ONLY officers.
When Jefferson said his thing about the "tree of liberty" he also meant that it was important for his countrypeople to periodically re-learn the 'revolutionary' values of freedom and liberty. Now, in our generation, the privileged few who have re-learned Jefferson's lessons aren't ivy leaguers, but American soldiers like YOU. The rest of us, we can never know everything you know, but you know what? You can teach us, your fellow Americans. YOU are now the American generation "carrying the torch" and "tempered by war" that John Kennedy called forward in his Inaugural address. It's your time to lead this nation. And hey, what's a US Army NCO good for, if not to teach? No one shows up at Basic knowing how to eat soup, either.
You may know this in your head, but maybe hearing it from a friend will help: What you are going through is normal. Take as much time as you need. If it gets too bad, go to the VA. That's what it's there for. Don't worry about what you are hearing from the schools. They are run by the DNC, or rather the DNC is run by them. The children love our Military. They know you are protecting them. Many, many more of us support you. We just couldn't stand being around a bunch of liberals with no room for advancement. That is why so few of us are teachers. I think. It could also be the old saying: Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach. Hehehe. Thank you very gratefully. I will never forget what you did for the USA and me. God bless you. Have a great day.
Smink - Think of it as re-training, that might help. (And I LOVE Smallville - I watched it every week the first season, but I've been missing every other one this year - bums me out)
I think it would be great for you to be able to speak at schools - but I know the schools here in the pacific nw would react the way you described as well. It's as if they fear you would somehow brainwash the kids into joining up in the service en masse! Keep trying - the Boy Scouts suggestion sounded good. Maybe talk to the local VFW about programs with kids they are involved with.
This website is amazing, you have put together the best blog I have red to date. I just discovered you today about 5 hours ago. It's 3 am now, and I can't stop reading through your archives. Every time I decide I need to get to sleep, I think to myself, "just one more entry."
Getting your perspective on the war in Iraq and coming home, it's remarkably uplifting. As you've stated, the media here in America tells us only of the doom and gloom, not the good news coming out of Iraq and not the whole story.
I live in Chicago, so I know what you're talking about with the drivers. I also agree with you about Springfield, IL being the Simpson's home town, though I didn't know about Lake Shelbyville.
Thank you for all you've sacrificed for uor great nation, and thank you for taking the time to bring us the rest of the story. Please do continue to write your blog. Though you may be out of Iraq, you will have a unique perspective on world events, life, and everything that most of us will never know.
Thank you so much, and God bless you and all of our men and women serving this nation.
Jake Winter
Just wanted to add one more thing:
I appreciate your dark humor. That message on the guard tower, "why, so I can get shot in the face" was hilarious!
Jake
Thanks for your service Soldier!
I just want to say, that there are civilians out there who care. Some of us read dozens and dozens of soldier blogs on a daily basis because we know that we are not getting the real deal from the media. Some of us talk with legislators and act as advocates for our soldiers. Of course you may never hear that from any of us because we don't want recognition or praise, we simply want stand watch while you're gone. It is often times an uphill battle and we're fighting a different kind of war here on the homefront. Granted we are not making any of the sacrifices that our soldiers are, but we love and appreciate you, and this is how we show it. I'm sorry that you don't see those kinds of civilians more often. We're out there, and I wanted you to know that.
Iraq is "too controversial" for school kids?!?!?! What's up with that?? Idiots. sorry.
Anywho- I haven't written since you dealt with the ID Card Lady, and just wanted to say HI!
Welcome Home, Soldier- your trips to the mall as an unarmed, unalarmed citizen were hard-earned. I love the reunion date you and your buddies set up. Your interp would be proud. I hope you continue to write- I love your style. Take care, ok? And take it easy. From what I've heard, adjusting back to civilian life is harder than adjusting to the initial deployment.
Casanova,
For nearly 60 years, Dad has kept one of his dog tags on his key chain that he carries everyday. He'll always be a Marine.....just like you'll always be a Soldier. He says war leaves marks on a man, but they're not all negative.....it teaches you alot about yourself that you can't learn under any other circumstances. And, I think you've learned some pretty positive things about yourself.....it shows.....
kbug
I'm so glad you are still writing Sminky, you have some story to tell!
amazing writing .. stories move me and im not easily moved. Good luck back in the US ...
Thanks, buddy, for your sacrifices this past year. Listening to you on the Green House last week had me mesmerized. What great insight you shared. Made me appreciate even more what you were doing over there, especially when we finally got to see how overjoyed Iraqis were to have the opportunity to vote.
Maybe we'll get some more balanced reporting out of the MSM now. OK, we can dream, right?
Darrell
I'd love to read a post by you on your take on this historic election.
And for the first time in a year, I took my Dog Tags off. Those things have been dangling by my heart for so long that I feel naked right now without them.Well, I've been out for over 12 years, now, but I've still got mine on. Welcome back, soldier! You've helped change the world for the better.
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