In Iraq for 365

About my experiences in Iraq... the frustrations, the missions and this country... and the journey home

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Collection of memories (final Iraq post)

I started this blog because it's so hard to write emails to everybody, and I just wanted the people I love to know that I was OK and I can't interject opinions on my "Army" stories. Never in a million years did I expect to receive emails from people of Egypt, Australia and even, Iraq. I was humbled by the many kind words written to me and or posted on the comments section. The last couple weeks, people have asked, some even begged, that I continue to post when I return to Milwaukee. But honestly, I don't know what I'll write about. Maybe, I could go to the bars and coffee joints and pick somebody out to make fun of... nah, that's not really me. Or perhaps, I'll grow a beard and long hair and let you know what kind of shampoo I use... nah, too boring. Whatever I decide, I assure you, I'll keep writing. It's too fun to give up. With that being said, this will be my final post for a couple days because I'm leaving on a Jet Plane and I don't know when I can post again. For my final Iraq post, here's a collection of memories...

When I arrived in Iraq in February, everything seemed so foreign to me... the 1960s cars, the concrete square buildings, Arabic people wearing turbans with Michael Jordan shirts and Nike shoes, the mosques shouting prayers throughout the city five times a day, buildings made of marble yet had no toilets and of course, the stark reality that I carry ammunition everywhere I go and people want to kill me. This was no vacation, that's for sure. I'd been in Iraq two days when I received orders for my first combat mission. I was scared. "Where are your earplugs, sergeant?" Uh, I forgot them. "Any time, you get on a Stryker, you wear ear plugs. Here take these. This your first time?" Yup. "You'll be fine."

I went on a very basic patrol through the city. My job was to shoot the cover of Soldier's Magazine. In fact, the sole purpose of this patrol was for me to take pictures for Soldier's. On my first adventure in the city, I had so many emotions running through me. I was nervous. I felt inadequate as a photographer. I wanted to see combat. I didn't want want to see combat. I wondered what pick-up line I'd use on this girl I've been chasing for three years. So, I've been in the shit, wanna go out? It actually snowed that day for the first time in 12 years, which is great if you're an Iraqi throwing snowballs but horrible when you're a photographer trying to capture Iraq through your lens. However, I did make some really good friends with that particular platoon. The magazine passed on the imagery, which I was a little upset about. Here I am risking my life to take a damn picture for your damn magazine and you don't even use it. Nonetheless, the relationships I formed that day solidified my position for the remainder of the deployment: I would be the go to photographer / writer for combat operations.

This unofficial title has afforded me the great chance to meet and know the soldiers of the first two Stryker Brigades, who were mostly infantry. These are the guys who seek and destroy the enemy with more speed and combat power than any Army entity ever. Simply put, these are the best soldiers in the Army.

One patrol I was on, an Iraqi charged an American and tried to take his gun. The soldier pulled out a knife and slit his attacker's throat. He didn't want to kill the person, but he had to. "It was either him or me or my buddy." We don't like killing people, but that's why we're here, I guess, to kill them so they don't kill us.

This war started out as a means to find weapons of mass destruction. Then, it was let's give the Iraqi people freedom. Now, politicians say let's fight the terrorists there and not on American soil. To be honest, soldiers don't care about the cause. We're not fighting for any of the above; we are fighting for the guy on our left and right. You form a bond so tight with fellow soldiers that you never want to let them down. I've seen it displayed every day for a year.

Once, I was in Tal Afar for a large-scale, three day operation. We had birds, Strykers and artillery, but the fighting always comes down to the individual soldier and his weapon. In Avgoni, nearby Tal Afar, we were moving toward the objective through very dense terrain. Tall trees, thick brush and long vines were every where. It was so green because of human crap, which flowed to the bottom of the hills and fertilized what appeared to look more like a Vietnam jungle than an Iraqi village. But, the enemy knew the terrain and we didn't. They posted white T-shirts on the smaller trees, which looked like a person from a distance, setting a trap that we walked right into. At the other end of these decorated trees were about three or four men with AKs and RPGs. When the squad moved into the open zone, the enemy opened fire, nailing the squad leader in each leg and in a fat roll. As the squad leader fell to the ground, he didn't moan in pain; he fired back, killing an insurgent gunner just as he was about to fire an RPG into the squad. Because of this soldier, the man on his left and right are still alive, including me.

A lot of the operations I've been sent on have turned out to be nothing. They sent to me to the Najaf, Al Kut area when al Sadr's militia was wreaking havoc. This was in August or September, I can't really remember. "This is going to be like World War III. Sadr's militia is hunkered down and just waiting for us." When we got there, they had abandoned ship and left behind their toys. All we did was find weapons cache after weapons cache. I think I only had one RPG fired at me the whole time. For spending a month there, I was a little disappointed.

Then there were the QRF missions at which I had five minutes notice to go document a car bomb or something of the type. I think we photographed 20 car bombs. My first broke me in pretty good. It was just outside of city hall and there were body parts every where. I nearly broke down in tears when I saw this little foot that couldn't have been more than four inches long. The scene never got better; I just got used to it.

Probably the more defining moments of this deployment have been the close calls. The RPGs flying over my head, the bullets pinging off of metal three inches from my head, the mortars spreading shrapnel at the very spot I would have been if I didn't sleep in. I don't really know how many I've had; I quit counting in August. But with each one, I said a prayer and thanked God to still be alive.

But probably the most painful of moments were when we lost people. I'll never forget the smiles on my friends' faces, T & Mitts. They were both strong characters who represented the army values. There are thousands just like them, and each soldier killed had a story. We tried to tell that story to the world. Rather than focusing on how they died, we described how the person lived, the difference they made to the world. Nobody ever saw these memorial stories but the families and the few small town newspapers who were interested. We learned our lesson of spamming a memorial story to the larger outlets like AP. The editors deleted the story and used the photo of a crying soldier hugging the memorial display of an M-16 bayoneted into a box with the soldier's helmet on the buttstock and dog tags on the hand grip. The photo cutline read: A soldier mourns the loss of a fellow comrade. Elsewhere in Iraq, 14 killed in a large explosion outside... you get the point. Just a single sentence. No name. No family. Just a sentence and then elsewhere in Iraq. That's hardly justice for a soldier who gave that reporter the freedom of press.

When the Iraqis die, it's just as hard to swallow as when it's an American soldier. My good friend and interpreter, Samir, was killed on the very day I went home for leave - back in September. He was captured by terrorists when he was on his way to the palace. He managed to escape; had he not, they probably would have beheaded him. As he ran through the market, trying to get away, asking for help, the people said "get away from us; you work for the Americans." His back was sprayed with bullets and he died on the concrete sidewalk. He was there for hours before anybody notified us or moved his body. "Don't touch him, let him rot, he worked for Americans." We had this saying, "we're here for Samir." He was a great guy.

Of course, not all Iraqis hated us. Back in April, I was in this very small village that had a mud-hut mansion. Inside were crystal glasses and Persian rugs. The residents served us tea and did nothing but thank us for rebuilding their schools, hospitals and roads in the Kurdish village. I've seen little kids read essays in English thanking us. Old ladies have made us food thanking us. Interpreters have bought us souvenirs thanking us. I've been thanked by Iraqis at least 1.234 million times. I recall the words of an Iraqi general when he pointed at one of my female soldiers... "You people (his soldiers) should be ashamed of yourselves. This girl is here because of you. She is fighting for your country. You owe her a thanks, your honor."

The other day, we received our awards and a dozen hugs and kisses from our interpreters and Iraqi counterparts. As I stood at attention, I thought about the man I had become over the past year, the friends I made, the cameras I broke and how I would do it all over again. My commander said, "From now on, for the rest of your life, you will be linked to everyone who wears that uniform and has served in combat. This year, you have proven yourselves and now, it's time to go home."

Now that I look back on everything, I can say that this hasn't been the easiest year of my life, but it's certainly been the most memorable. I'm sure I'll always look back and say, "There I was in Iraq and this...." Boy, my kids are in for a treat.

165 Comments:

At 10:56 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yup, Casanova, your kids are in for a treat.....been there and done that......and, I've got to tell you, they'll be true patriots and awfully proud of their Pops......and every other Soldier, Airman, Marine, or Sailor they know......I know I am. Now, you just have to find a Mom for all those kids......maybe that one you've been chasing for three years? In the meantime, I know you'll enjoy the hunt!!!.....;)

kbug

 
At 11:28 AM, Blogger Molicious said...

It's been an honor reading your posts. I so enjoy reading about your return to American life again. I'm sure it'll be an interesting one. You'll be in my thoughts while you are coming home. Let us know as soon as you can that you made it!

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Triplet Dads said...

there was an article on the front page of the Indianapolis Star this week about how returning soldiers are having difficult times adjusting back to their peaceful existance in the US... Your continued blogging will help us all understand just what that feels like...

 
At 12:24 PM, Blogger Lizabeth said...

It has been a true honor and I wish I would have discovered you 364 days ago instead. I also look forward to hearing your readjustment to a peaceful life. My brother will be heading out far too soon and its reassuring to read what you have to say. Thank you and there are millions here proud of you and your fellow soldiers.

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger BLACKFIVE said...

I'm proud and grateful to have Soldiers like you in our Army.

If you're ever in Chicago, drop me an email.


Matt
Blackfive
http://www.blackfive.net

 
At 1:58 PM, Blogger JUST A MOM said...

You have given us a look at a part of life none of us would ever see. Through your words I have SEEN in my heart and my imagination only part of what you and all your friends have gone through. I thank you with ALL my heart. Think about it, Arizona isn't too bad of place, a good vacation place. Just let me know and I'll wave ya in, It has been a pleasure! I look forward to reading your boring, not you, words without the worry!
Enjoy life and have fun Mr. Smink........ boy I am glad I was not your kindergarden teacher! Thank you again!

 
At 2:26 PM, Blogger jtb-in-texas said...

Your blog is like reading Henry V by Shakespeare... Your example inspires us, ennobles us... It reminds us who we ought to be...

I'm proud to be an American because of people like you...

 
At 2:44 PM, Blogger Janie said...

Come on home, Soldier.

Thank you for your service.

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger membrain said...

I'm so glad I found your blog even when it was in the final days. I'm proud of you and you don't even know me. There are many, many others like me who are proud of what you've done. Your compassion is compelling. My sincerest best wishes to you and your family for a happy life.

P.S. We still want to hear about your adventures at the Inauguration!

 
At 2:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your kids will be blessed with a dad who is a warrior and a true man. I thank you for your service, and your willingness to share it. *Salute*

First few are on me if you ever make it out to the left coast.

Indy

 
At 3:39 PM, Blogger Sharon said...

I, too, wish that I could have run across your blog a long time ago.

Thanks for your detailed description of your year in Iraq. You capture the pride and patriotism of the American Soldier. You've done a great job as a soldier and as a journalist.

Have a safe trip home, perhaps you will share a ride with my son who is also leaving Iraq in a few days.

An American Soldier's Mom

 
At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have a safe trip home!
I just wanted to let you know that since I started to read your post, I not only care about American lives being cut short in Iraq, but I also care about Iraqis and their children. I cry for them the same now ...
Thanks,
Agnieszka O.
Denver, CO

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger Papa Ray said...

Well done,

Enjoy your trip home, let us hear from you.

Papa Ray
West Texas
USA

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger AssyrianAmerican said...

As an Iraqi-American, I thank for your service and sacrifices, and especially for being away from your family and your normal way of life. Because of your actions and the actions of this noble and just country, for the first time in my life I will have a opportunity to cast a vote at the end of the month for all the freedom loving Iraqis back home.

I'm just down the road from you in Chicago. I would be honored to meet you in person.

May GOD bless the United States of America.

 
At 5:37 PM, Blogger Frank_D said...

Welcome home, Bro!

Frank D, Viet Nam '69 - '70

He That Shall Live This Day

 
At 5:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sir: my oldest son is current active duty Army. He has been over there for one tour, anticipates another soon. God bless you for your service. God bless your colleagues, may He keep those who have fallen safely beside Him. (s) Skyrat

 
At 6:49 PM, Blogger JJ said...

I can't tell you how much I'm going to miss your posts. You are an exceptional writer with a talent that should be shared. Please keep posting, I'm sure you'll find plenty to comment on.

As for your year in Iraq...your commander is right. You are now connected with all of us. We are a brotherhood a gigantic band of brothers. We have seen the best and the worst of man and we are better people for it. No one other than another combat veteran will understand...

Thank you for your kind words on my blog

JJ
A/1/8
4 ID
RVN 68-69

 
At 8:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey smeegul,
Just wanted to say im proud of you man, i know i havent wrote you much since you been in iraq...which i regret. I cant say that i dont look at all the you have accomplished and done in life and say that im am not a little bit envious. I had the dream that you are living to serve my country and come back home with the memories to last a lifetime and the pride of knowing you served your country and did it good. But basically as an american citizen i hope you read this before you leave iraq i just want to say thank you and i love you like a brother. Turd2

 
At 9:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sminki, when are you leaving on a jet plane?

 
At 8:21 AM, Blogger AFSister said...

How sad that I find your blog for the last post, but how happy I am that B-5 provided the link. Anything he marks as "must read", MUST be read. At least I can read the archives!

Your tale is truly inspiring, and future children are definately in for a treat. Thanks for providing us with your pictures of Iraq- both in words and graphic images. You make us proud, Soldier!

 
At 8:47 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just a word from a Vietnam Vet/68/Pleku/Buccaneer//
God Bless The United States Of America and =

WELLCOME HOME !!

REX MORRIS

 
At 9:28 AM, Blogger FVK said...

Thank you so much! I've enjoyed "hanging with you" the past couple of months. I'll miss your posts from Iraq, but look forward to hearing about the inauguration and your "adventures" when you're back home in Milwaukee.

Take care of yourself and have a safe trip home.

 
At 9:30 AM, Blogger ac blue eagle said...

Good luck on re-entry to the "World" as they use to call the US in the Vietnam days. As to the adjustment to life stateside, expect your day to day life not to seem as meaningful as your life in Iraq. That will be because the most important part of your day is not just making sure you stay a live.

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger Mike R. said...

The city of Milwaukee and state of Wisconsin is lucky to have you. Take care of yourself and God bless in all you do. I will miss your posts but that sentiment is far outweighed by being glad you are getting home safely.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Brian H said...

DO NOT make the mistake that virtually all vets make, and hold back on talking to family and friends about your experiences. My father was a WWII vet who served in Burma and the coastal radars at Dover. Getting stories or info out of him was like pulling foam rubber teeth; he'd just make a few general statements and change the subject.

In my experience, ALL children of vets deeply regret not having more, much more. The fear of upsetting them is greatly overblown, if that's part of the problem.

In conclusion, TALK. WRITE. SHARE.

 
At 3:03 PM, Blogger Shar said...

It's been a pleasure to be allowed to read of your experiences and thoughts while you were in Iraq. Thank you for sharing with us.

 
At 3:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Welcome Home, Soldier: job well done!
(Gladiator 13 - 57th AHC Vietnam)

 
At 4:09 PM, Blogger Scott D said...

Awesome job brother. Welcome home!

 
At 6:32 PM, Blogger julieann said...

Hey there; don't think you will have a hard time finding something to write about here in the states. Sometimes I think we are stranger than the Iraqis! You'll find alot to write about. And we are all looking forward to it. But first - RELAX and ENJOY being home; you have deserved it!

 
At 12:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am overjoied to see you going home . See you at Braums. The burger is on me.

 
At 6:37 AM, Blogger Garlon Guzzler said...

Your final post in Iraq brought me to tears. You have a real talent for writing. Everytime I read your stories, I come away feeling like a better person. I hope you'll continue to use your talent for the greater good of all mankind.

Well Mr. Sminklemeyer, the state of Wisconsin is anxiously awaiting your return and will be waiting with open arms. We're proud of you and everyone else who is serving our country.

 
At 6:59 AM, Blogger Holly said...

Good luck on the next stage of your career. You've done something that mattered in this one. I've been grateful to follow along.

 
At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brian is right. Share what has happened to you over the past year with those you love. When my son returned after the first gulf war he wouldn't talk about it until one day my dad (WWII vet) got him to open up. He was much more relaxed after that and Dad said it was just about on of the best days of his life, sharing some of his pacific war experiences with his grandson and hearing about the gulf war. It brought the 2 of them closer than they had ever been before. God bless you and welcome home.

 
At 2:57 PM, Blogger ledger said...

Congratulations on a job well done. You have recorded history in the making. Your talented posts will become a part of a great segment in this nations history. May your journalistic career flourish. Feel free to give Dan Rather a swift boot to the rear.

 
At 3:37 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I wondered what pick-up line I'd use on this girl I've been chasing for three years"

Honey, never mind feeding her a line. Just take her a copy of your final Iraq post and if she's a woman worth her salt after she's read it she'll be putty in your hands. Just be kind and gentle and don't break her heart.

Welcome home and God bless you.

Pamela

 
At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

thank you, sir, for your service to our country. I have so much enjoyed reading your postings. I wish you the best of luck as you return home.

 
At 8:40 PM, Blogger Bigs said...

Sminky,we are wondering if you are ok. Send us a short message letting us know you are safe!

 
At 12:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Safe trip home. Been good reading.

SGT Dan Kemp
HHC 3/502 Infantry, 101st Airborne Division
Iraq March '03-Feb '04

 
At 2:58 AM, Blogger Rosemary said...

I found you today, Jan. 16, 2005, through BlackFive and already you're leaving. I am sorry I didn't know of your blog earlier. You know, you can take the pictures and posts that you kept and write a book. Just a thought. We need to save some history. I hope you will e-mail me when you arive on USA soil safe and sound so I will know you made it alright. Thank you so much for your service. Just a cameraman? Hush! Everyone in the unit is vital. Everyone. I'll be praying for your safe return. God bless your unit and you.

 
At 9:35 AM, Blogger Ramy said...

As the daughter of a Vietnam vet and the twin sister of an ROTC Army / National Guard cadet, thank you. Thank you for your sacrifice, your service, your protection. Welcome home, and may God bless you in your future.

 
At 7:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with Pamela. And if this girl you have been chasing still doesn't want you, you can take me out on a date..lol :) Seriously though, your writing shows how great a catch you are and any woman who gets your attention like that should consider themselves lucky.

 
At 10:33 PM, Blogger Randja said...

God Bless You Soldier, my Son in Law should be home the end of February, finishing his year. He will get to see his 8 month old son for only the second time. Welcome home.....!

 
At 2:17 PM, Blogger remoteman said...

What a great post. Of course I come in on the last day. Rats! Regardless, please know that I am so proud of you and your fellow soldiers, airmen, sailors and marines. What you are doing will go down in history as one of the great selfless acts done by man. Good luck on your future. I am not worried about you. The impact that you and the other returning veterans are going to have on this country is going to be amazing. I am lucky to be able to work with military personnel on a regular basis. The average person just does not know how good a group of people this is. Thanks again.

 
At 6:15 PM, Blogger Mike O said...

Great post! And welcome back! If you're ever in the Dallas area, you've got at least one free lunch.

I propose that another news network; VNN. Vets News Network; only those who have fought for liberty need apply, combat records and blog logs are the only resumes accepted.

I pray for the families of the people that were lost in all of this; the lost have already reached a better place. And I hope the Iraqis realize that the ballots they'll use in a very few days were inked with the blood of the very best the coalition and Iraq had to offer.

 
At 8:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, u think u're fighting, killing and risking ur life for AMERICA and DEMOCRACY. But the real truth is that u're doing it for OIL and ISRAEL. What a pity so many people stupidly believe government propaganda. REMEMBER VIETNAM!!!2 millions people killed for NOTHING

 
At 10:19 AM, Anonymous CAS3 said...

First things first - Thank you! Thank you for your service to your country. Thank you for being the young man you were and the man you've become.
You are an excellent writer, I hope you consider putting everything into a book one day for three reasons 1) because not everyone knows about these blogs 2) for all of those soldiers you wrote about that no one reported about, the soldiers who served, the soldiers who lived and the soldiers who died and 3) because yours is the truth. The truth is not something we get to hear about anymore, we aren't allowed to see the caskets, we aren't allowed to know the names, we aren't allowed to know the stories, we aren't allowed to know the truth. You young man could give us that for reason number two more than anything else.
Yes, it's is true that most believe that you and the others like you should not be there, America used to be the defenders of truth and freedom. Where is that truth and where is that freedom?
A small town in Ohio lost over 20 of its children over there, in one weekend 20 children dead and what did the president say to those mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, and children of those dead? Nothing, he said nothing to them. He is on vacation, again. Did he attend any of the funerals for any of those? No, not one. If the recruiting office was burned down, I would not be surprised. That town like so many in our country has given enough.
So, young man, you need, you must keep writing, you must tell those stories to those mothers and fathers, and children of those soldiers that did or did not return.
Tell us the truth. We need to hear the truth.
God Bless.

 
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My name is Mrs Sharon Sim. I live in singapore and i am a happy woman today? and i told my self that any lender that rescue my family from our poor situation, i will refer any person that is looking for loan to him, he gave me happiness to me and my family, i was in need of a loan of S$250,000.00 to start my life all over as i am a single mother with 3 kids I met this honest and GOD fearing man loan lender that help me with a loan of S$250,000.00 SG. Dollar, he is a GOD fearing man, if you are in need of loan and you will pay back the loan please contact him tell him that is Mrs Sharon, that refer you to him. contact Dr Purva Pius,via email:(urgentloan22@gmail.com) +918376918351 Thank you.

 
At 11:52 AM, Blogger Mrs Sharon Sim said...

Hello Everybody,
My name is Mrs Sharon Sim. I live in Singapore and i am a happy woman today? and i told my self that any lender that rescue my family from our poor situation, i will refer any person that is looking for loan to him, he gave me happiness to me and my family, i was in need of a loan of S$250,000.00 to start my life all over as i am a single mother with 3 kids I met this honest and GOD fearing man loan lender that help me with a loan of S$250,000.00 SG. Dollar, he is a GOD fearing man, if you are in need of loan and you will pay back the loan please contact him tell him that is Mrs Sharon, that refer you to him. contact Dr Purva Pius,via email:(urgentloan22@gmail.com) Thank you.

 

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